i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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