You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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