Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
