This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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