wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The beer is more important than you right now.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
