kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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