She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
