When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
