This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
