fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
