just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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