the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It's official drugs can't kill me
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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