Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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