Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You left your phone here
Wait...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
