Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who died my cat blue again?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
