I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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