She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
