I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
