i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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