shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She's JV to your varsity
My cat gives me a boner
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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