I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
