bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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