You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
