this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
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