hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i used baking grease as lip gloss
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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