I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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