I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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