The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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