i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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