I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
If I die, sorry about rent.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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