At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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