my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
