Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
