i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I did not marry a roomba.
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