Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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