he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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