In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
