Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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