I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
