and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I think my moral compass just broke
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
