So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
did you just send me my own nude
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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