I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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