I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
