RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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