I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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