Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
