If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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