how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
