I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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