Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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