The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
