she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Randomize
