The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
