You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
