my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
