So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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