you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
he fucked my hip out of place.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
