How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
