Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
