sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
